Sunday, February 27, 2011
Fervent Prayer
At a worship ministry meeting yesterday, we talked about the power of prayer and the potential that God has to change our worship, ourselves, our church and our community as we surrender all to him in prayer. The video above reminds me of what can happen as we commit to God in prayer. What ideas does it give you?
Monday, February 14, 2011
Speaking words that benefit others
Ephesians 4:29
Don't say unwholesome words
We know that we should avoid lying, gossipping, slandering, using angry words to manipulate. If we're still doing these things (as I know I and everybody else does at times) my advice is STOP IT. But we also have a practice of saying some very cutting and offensive words, that are presented in the form of a joke, and for which our intention is that they are not to be taken seriously. Again, I say STOP IT. These words can be misinterpreted, they can avoid expressing what we really mean, they can hide genuine feelings and they can communicate the wrong message to outsiders. If we want healthy relationships are words should not be unwholesome, whether meant or not, whether funny or not.
Say what is helpful for building others up
Words of confrontation are included in this category. To be helpful to others, these words need to be specific and grace filled. We also need to make sure we have adequate time to talk through the issues and that we are in a confidential space. Healthy relationships come from confrontation, as we commit to the other and help them grow in their self awareness.
Only say what is according to the needs of the other
To help us focus on what the other's needs are we listen to them, ask clarifying questions and in all circumstances show them grace.
Don't say unwholesome words
We know that we should avoid lying, gossipping, slandering, using angry words to manipulate. If we're still doing these things (as I know I and everybody else does at times) my advice is STOP IT. But we also have a practice of saying some very cutting and offensive words, that are presented in the form of a joke, and for which our intention is that they are not to be taken seriously. Again, I say STOP IT. These words can be misinterpreted, they can avoid expressing what we really mean, they can hide genuine feelings and they can communicate the wrong message to outsiders. If we want healthy relationships are words should not be unwholesome, whether meant or not, whether funny or not.
Say what is helpful for building others up
Words of confrontation are included in this category. To be helpful to others, these words need to be specific and grace filled. We also need to make sure we have adequate time to talk through the issues and that we are in a confidential space. Healthy relationships come from confrontation, as we commit to the other and help them grow in their self awareness.
Only say what is according to the needs of the other
To help us focus on what the other's needs are we listen to them, ask clarifying questions and in all circumstances show them grace.
Friday, February 11, 2011
Minister's Desk
“The Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone’” (Genesis 2:18).
When you read this do you sometimes think that God got it wrong? We come home after struggling with a work colleague who gets on our nerves. People are constantly demanding our time and attention. Extra Grace Required people wear us down and exhaust our supply of patience and tact. There are times when we feel that life would be better if we were alone. But unless we live on a deserted island, we are going to encounter others and our interpersonal relationships are going to be an important part of our daily existence. We live in a social world, one that can only be negotiated by communicating with, and relating with, other people. Our ability to do this in a healthy way is a reflection of both our inner self-understanding and self-awareness. This comes as we allow the Holy Spirit to do his ongoing work of transformation and growth in us.
At its very simplest level, an interpersonal relationship is a complex mix of two people who happen to be connected at a particular point in time. What grows out of this interpersonal merging depends not only on what is said, but on what isn’t said; not only on the choice of words, but on the choice of expressions; not only on what each person hears, but on what each person thinks he or she hears or wants to hear; not only on what actually happens, but on what each person expects to happen.
There is no such thing as a perfect interpersonal relationship, but there is such a thing as an improved one. That is why we name our core value Healthy Relationships. Using the adjective healthy reminds us that these are relationships that have the capacity to grow over time. It means that the people who make up the relationship are aware of the state of the relationship, are aware of the feelings, needs and condition of the other, and are self aware of their own feelings, needs and condition, and that they have the capacity to adapt and respond to the other.
Our relationships with others are largely what we make of them and what we want them to be. Most of us have more control over the course and destiny of our relationship than we may realise. The old idea that what it takes to have a good friend is to be one may seem trite, but both research and common sense tell us is that it is true. So my encouragement to each of us is to give attention and work toward bettering our relationships with each other. It doesn’t require that we become best friends with everybody else, but we can grow in our enjoyment and appreciation of others.
When you read this do you sometimes think that God got it wrong? We come home after struggling with a work colleague who gets on our nerves. People are constantly demanding our time and attention. Extra Grace Required people wear us down and exhaust our supply of patience and tact. There are times when we feel that life would be better if we were alone. But unless we live on a deserted island, we are going to encounter others and our interpersonal relationships are going to be an important part of our daily existence. We live in a social world, one that can only be negotiated by communicating with, and relating with, other people. Our ability to do this in a healthy way is a reflection of both our inner self-understanding and self-awareness. This comes as we allow the Holy Spirit to do his ongoing work of transformation and growth in us.
At its very simplest level, an interpersonal relationship is a complex mix of two people who happen to be connected at a particular point in time. What grows out of this interpersonal merging depends not only on what is said, but on what isn’t said; not only on the choice of words, but on the choice of expressions; not only on what each person hears, but on what each person thinks he or she hears or wants to hear; not only on what actually happens, but on what each person expects to happen.
There is no such thing as a perfect interpersonal relationship, but there is such a thing as an improved one. That is why we name our core value Healthy Relationships. Using the adjective healthy reminds us that these are relationships that have the capacity to grow over time. It means that the people who make up the relationship are aware of the state of the relationship, are aware of the feelings, needs and condition of the other, and are self aware of their own feelings, needs and condition, and that they have the capacity to adapt and respond to the other.
Our relationships with others are largely what we make of them and what we want them to be. Most of us have more control over the course and destiny of our relationship than we may realise. The old idea that what it takes to have a good friend is to be one may seem trite, but both research and common sense tell us is that it is true. So my encouragement to each of us is to give attention and work toward bettering our relationships with each other. It doesn’t require that we become best friends with everybody else, but we can grow in our enjoyment and appreciation of others.
Monday, February 7, 2011
Healthy Relationships - putting aside falsehoods and speaking truthfully
Ephesians 4:25
This week we begin a new four week series on healthy relationships. When we live with, and interact with others, relationships are inevitable. However, healthy relationships take time, effort and attention. Healthy relationships are worthwhile for our own sense of person hood and are an expression of the kingdom of God breaking through into this world. Recognising this we have identified Healthy Relationships as a Core Value of this congregation.
In his letter to the Ephesians Paul encourages them to "put off falsehood and speak truthfully." Throughout the Bible there is powerful emphasis on God's people speaking from a position of truth and honesty. In Psalm 15:1, 2 we read “Lord, we may dwell in your sanctuary? ...... Those...... who speak the truth from their hearts.” The foundation of healthy relationships is the ability for us to speak truthfully, without falsehood to others, God and ourselves. When our ability to speak truthfully is absent we conceal things from each other and ourselves and we put up false facades that mask who we are and what we’re really like. Through being open, genuine and speaking the truth about ourselves we are able to deeper our relationships with others and develop healthy/ier relationships.
But this does not mean that we should share every detail of our life with every person we meet. Healthy relationships require a healthy dose of guarded communication with those we don't know well, with those that are unable to cope with what we are sharing and those for whom it would be rude.
Though this is healthy, we need to be finding opportunities with those we know and trust and what to know better to push down our facades and reveal that which is hidden about ourselves. Sometimes this takes great courage and can result in our being hurt. But it is only through our willingness to place ourselves in a vulnerable position that our relationships with others will grow.
There is also the need to recognise that with a very few people, maybe two or three in our lifetimes, that we can be nearly totally open, revealing deep secrets and confessions about ourselves. Sharing to this level communicates how much we value these others in our lives and how important they are.
A challenge for all of us is to recognise when we are putting on a facade with another and to ask ourselves whether we need to do this. Or whether for the sake of healthy relationships we need to take the opportunity and pull down the facade and reveal a little more of ourselves. It is only by our taking the first step that others will respond and lead us into deeper intimacy with each other.
This week we begin a new four week series on healthy relationships. When we live with, and interact with others, relationships are inevitable. However, healthy relationships take time, effort and attention. Healthy relationships are worthwhile for our own sense of person hood and are an expression of the kingdom of God breaking through into this world. Recognising this we have identified Healthy Relationships as a Core Value of this congregation.
In his letter to the Ephesians Paul encourages them to "put off falsehood and speak truthfully." Throughout the Bible there is powerful emphasis on God's people speaking from a position of truth and honesty. In Psalm 15:1, 2 we read “Lord, we may dwell in your sanctuary? ...... Those...... who speak the truth from their hearts.” The foundation of healthy relationships is the ability for us to speak truthfully, without falsehood to others, God and ourselves. When our ability to speak truthfully is absent we conceal things from each other and ourselves and we put up false facades that mask who we are and what we’re really like. Through being open, genuine and speaking the truth about ourselves we are able to deeper our relationships with others and develop healthy/ier relationships.
But this does not mean that we should share every detail of our life with every person we meet. Healthy relationships require a healthy dose of guarded communication with those we don't know well, with those that are unable to cope with what we are sharing and those for whom it would be rude.
Though this is healthy, we need to be finding opportunities with those we know and trust and what to know better to push down our facades and reveal that which is hidden about ourselves. Sometimes this takes great courage and can result in our being hurt. But it is only through our willingness to place ourselves in a vulnerable position that our relationships with others will grow.
There is also the need to recognise that with a very few people, maybe two or three in our lifetimes, that we can be nearly totally open, revealing deep secrets and confessions about ourselves. Sharing to this level communicates how much we value these others in our lives and how important they are.
A challenge for all of us is to recognise when we are putting on a facade with another and to ask ourselves whether we need to do this. Or whether for the sake of healthy relationships we need to take the opportunity and pull down the facade and reveal a little more of ourselves. It is only by our taking the first step that others will respond and lead us into deeper intimacy with each other.
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