Minister's Desk

“The Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone’” (Genesis 2:18).


When you read this do you sometimes think that God got it wrong? We come home after struggling with a work colleague who gets on our nerves. People are constantly demanding our time and attention. Extra Grace Required people wear us down and exhaust our supply of patience and tact. There are times when we feel that life would be better if we were alone. But unless we live on a deserted island, we are going to encounter others and our interpersonal relationships are going to be an important part of our daily existence. We live in a social world, one that can only be negotiated by communicating with, and relating with, other people. Our ability to do this in a healthy way is a reflection of both our inner self-understanding and self-awareness. This comes as we allow the Holy Spirit to do his ongoing work of transformation and growth in us.

At its very simplest level, an interpersonal relationship is a complex mix of two people who happen to be connected at a particular point in time. What grows out of this interpersonal merging depends not only on what is said, but on what isn’t said; not only on the choice of words, but on the choice of expressions; not only on what each person hears, but on what each person thinks he or she hears or wants to hear; not only on what actually happens, but on what each person expects to happen.

There is no such thing as a perfect interpersonal relationship, but there is such a thing as an improved one. That is why we name our core value Healthy Relationships. Using the adjective healthy reminds us that these are relationships that have the capacity to grow over time. It means that the people who make up the relationship are aware of the state of the relationship, are aware of the feelings, needs and condition of the other, and are self aware of their own feelings, needs and condition, and that they have the capacity to adapt and respond to the other.

Our relationships with others are largely what we make of them and what we want them to be. Most of us have more control over the course and destiny of our relationship than we may realise. The old idea that what it takes to have a good friend is to be one may seem trite, but both research and common sense tell us is that it is true. So my encouragement to each of us is to give attention and work toward bettering our relationships with each other. It doesn’t require that we become best friends with everybody else, but we can grow in our enjoyment and appreciation of others.